Shortly after my son turned a year old, he started refusing to let me feed him. I tried just letting him feed himself, but he ended up eating hardly anything. Then I tried putting food he liked on his tray, such as cheerios, and tried feeding him while he picked at the food on his tray. At first that worked pretty good. He caught on quick though, so then I would try singing to him, making him laugh. I pretty much tried to do just about everything I could think of to get him to open his mouth, so I could shove a spoonful of food in. That went on for a while until finally he seemed to be feeding himself an adequate amount.
Many days though, he would still eat hardly anything. I remember one day at lunch, all he ate was a couple of crackers.
I tried giving him food I knew he liked. I tried making new things. I would fix him a meal or snack and if he wouldn't eat it, then I would try giving him something different. I wouldn't try more than a couple times though. It just got very frustrating.
That was when I decided I needed to read a book and see if I could find a way to get him to eat better. The book I ended up buying was How to Get Your Kid to Eat . . . But Not Too Much: From Birth to Adolescence
by Ellyn Satter. What an eye opening book! Thank goodness I ordered it when I did too.
The relationship between a parent and child is an ongoing power struggle. When the child finds something he can control, he will do all he can to maintain control. When he finds something which will push the parent's buttons, he will keep doing it, just to see the parent's reaction. Feeding is an area which has major control issues. You, the parent, wants the child to eat, so that he can be healthy and grow, etc. When the child doesn't eat, the parent panics and tries to get the child to eat. The child realizes this is an area he has control over and realizes it bothers the parent when he doesn't eat. In order to maintain control, the child keeps refusing to eat. He finds it interesting to see the parents reaction when he won't eat. The child starts losing weight and the parent flips out. Some of the stories in the book were just crazy. Some parents just do insane things to get their kid to eat. One story involved parents putting the child in the bath tub to eat because they made such a mess forcing the child to eat. A lot of the stories were really sad.
Reading that book really opened my eyes. It's very important to maintain a good eating relationship with your child. If you don't, there will be serious repercussions.
The key thing to remember is: you control WHAT your child eats and the child controls HOW MUCH he eats.
Once I drilled that into my head, I would fix my son his meal or snack & that was it. I quit running back to the kitchen to find him something different. If he didn't eat, he didn't eat. Sometimes he would make up for it at the next feeding, sometimes he would make up for it the next day or even the day after that. He finally caught on that I wasn't going to get upset when he didn't eat and finally just started eating normal. What a relief! It didn't happen overnight though. It takes time, so it's really important to be patient.
At each meal or snack, I make sure I give him a nice variety: a fruit, a vegetable, a grain, a protein and a dairy. Vegetables and proteins are usually at lunch and dinner. Fruits are usually at each feeding. Many fruits contain similar nutrients as vegetables. One example is peaches and carrots both contain Vitamin A.
Once I was able to remain calm at feedings, I started to focus on when he wasn't eating. That was when I realized it was usually around the time he was teething. I'm guessing every time before that, teething was the cause of his refusal to eat.
He's still teething and he still has days, no longer than a week though, where he doesn't eat much, but I no longer worry, as much. As long as he's healthy, meeting the developmental milestones, and growing, then he's doing just fine, no matter how little he eats.
Many days though, he would still eat hardly anything. I remember one day at lunch, all he ate was a couple of crackers.
I tried giving him food I knew he liked. I tried making new things. I would fix him a meal or snack and if he wouldn't eat it, then I would try giving him something different. I wouldn't try more than a couple times though. It just got very frustrating.
That was when I decided I needed to read a book and see if I could find a way to get him to eat better. The book I ended up buying was How to Get Your Kid to Eat . . . But Not Too Much: From Birth to Adolescence
by Ellyn Satter. What an eye opening book! Thank goodness I ordered it when I did too.The relationship between a parent and child is an ongoing power struggle. When the child finds something he can control, he will do all he can to maintain control. When he finds something which will push the parent's buttons, he will keep doing it, just to see the parent's reaction. Feeding is an area which has major control issues. You, the parent, wants the child to eat, so that he can be healthy and grow, etc. When the child doesn't eat, the parent panics and tries to get the child to eat. The child realizes this is an area he has control over and realizes it bothers the parent when he doesn't eat. In order to maintain control, the child keeps refusing to eat. He finds it interesting to see the parents reaction when he won't eat. The child starts losing weight and the parent flips out. Some of the stories in the book were just crazy. Some parents just do insane things to get their kid to eat. One story involved parents putting the child in the bath tub to eat because they made such a mess forcing the child to eat. A lot of the stories were really sad.
Reading that book really opened my eyes. It's very important to maintain a good eating relationship with your child. If you don't, there will be serious repercussions.
The key thing to remember is: you control WHAT your child eats and the child controls HOW MUCH he eats.
Once I drilled that into my head, I would fix my son his meal or snack & that was it. I quit running back to the kitchen to find him something different. If he didn't eat, he didn't eat. Sometimes he would make up for it at the next feeding, sometimes he would make up for it the next day or even the day after that. He finally caught on that I wasn't going to get upset when he didn't eat and finally just started eating normal. What a relief! It didn't happen overnight though. It takes time, so it's really important to be patient.
At each meal or snack, I make sure I give him a nice variety: a fruit, a vegetable, a grain, a protein and a dairy. Vegetables and proteins are usually at lunch and dinner. Fruits are usually at each feeding. Many fruits contain similar nutrients as vegetables. One example is peaches and carrots both contain Vitamin A.
Once I was able to remain calm at feedings, I started to focus on when he wasn't eating. That was when I realized it was usually around the time he was teething. I'm guessing every time before that, teething was the cause of his refusal to eat.
He's still teething and he still has days, no longer than a week though, where he doesn't eat much, but I no longer worry, as much. As long as he's healthy, meeting the developmental milestones, and growing, then he's doing just fine, no matter how little he eats.
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